Okay, US stock futures are "mostly up" Sunday night. So what? The Dow, S&P, Nasdaq—they all had a little burp upwards. Big freakin' deal. Wake me when it's not just a blip before the next inevitable face-plant.

The Illusion of Green

Seriously, are we supposed to get excited about this? The jobs report's comin' on Thursday, Nvidia's earnings are due Wednesday, and a whole parade of retailers are about to tell us how screwed we all are. Walmart, Home Depot, Target... it's gonna be a bloodbath, I tell ya. According to Stock market today: Dow, S&P 500, Nasdaq futures climb as traders look toward Nvidia earnings, jobs report - Yahoo Finance, traders are closely watching Nvidia's earnings and the upcoming jobs report.

And Bitcoin? Down 30% in a month. Thirty. Percent. Anyone still clinging to that crypto fantasy needs a serious reality check. It's all a house of cards. I said it before, and I'll say it again: digital tulips, people. Digital tulips.

They want us to think everything's fine, that the economy is just peachy, that we should all keep buying crap we don't need. But let's be real, the only thing going up consistently is the price of everything. Oh, and CEO salaries. Those are always going up.

Black Sea Blues and Oil Slick Tears

Then there's the whole Novorossiysk thing. A Ukrainian strike, some temporary disruption, and now "activity resumed." Oh, goodie. Brent crude slipped, West Texas Intermediate fell... So? It's all manipulated anyway. OPEC+ this, China and India that... The whole damn thing is a rigged game, and we're all just pawns in their little oil-soaked chess match. And offcourse, the second something actually happens, it'll be right back up.

Someone named Mukesh Sahdev says the resumption is a "bearish signal." Give me a break. These "analysts" are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. What do they actually do, besides parrot the obvious and collect fat paychecks?

And what about the stuff they're not telling us? The market "came off a volatile stretch." Translation: the rich got richer, and the rest of us are still scraping by. The tech sector's rally stalled? Well, duh. How many streaming services can one person possibly subscribe to?

The Fed's Fake Concern

The Fed's gonna maybe cut rates, maybe not. Who cares? They're always "monitoring" and "assessing" and "carefully considering." It's all just noise. They're so far behind the curve it ain't even funny. A more cautious tone? What does that even mean? Are they gonna whisper the bad news this time? Then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe they actually know what they're doing. Nah, who am I kidding?

This Is All Just a Big, Fat Lie