Blue Origin Finally Sticks a Landing? Don't Expect Me to Clap.

So, Bezos finally managed to not blow up a rocket on landing. Big deal.

The "Triumph" No One Asked For

Let's be real; Blue Origin's New Glenn sticking a landing is less a giant leap and more like a toddler finally managing to walk without face-planting. Took 'em long enough. Years of hype, billions of dollars, and they finally manage to do what SpaceX has been doing for, what, a decade? And we're supposed to throw a parade? Give me a break.

The article gushes about how this is only the "second private company to perform a propulsive landing an orbital class rocket." Okay, and? Second place is just the first loser. The bar was set years ago, and Blue Origin just barely stumbled over it.

And the name of the booster? “Never Tell Me the Odds”? Seriously? Is Bezos stuck in a perpetual 80s movie marathon? It’s almost as cringe as the name of the first failed booster, “So You’re Telling Me There’s a Chance”.

What are they even doing with this thing? Oh right, hauling NASA's ESCAPADE mission to Mars. Eventually. According to Launch preview: Blue Origin to launch NASA’s ESCAPADE following scrubs from clouds, space weather – Spaceflight Now, the launch faced delays due to weather.

Mars or Bust (Eventually)

This ESCAPADE mission… let's unpack this little gem. So, instead of a straight shot to Mars, these probes are taking the scenic route, hanging out near Lagrange Point 2 for a year before slingshotting their way to the Red Planet. A “novel trajectory” they call it. I call it needlessly complicated.

"Can we launch to Mars when the planets are not aligned? ESCAPADE is paving the way for that," some dude from Advanced Space LLC said. Translation: "We screwed up the timing, so we're trying to spin this as some kind of innovative strategy."

The probes, creatively named Blue and Gold (UC Berkeley colors, how original), will supposedly "study Mars' magnetosphere." Fine. Whatever. We've been studying Mars for decades. What's one more mission going to tell us that we don't already know?

Wait a minute…they launch in November 2025, hang out near Earth for a year, then use Earth for a gravity assist around fall 2026 to begin an 11-month journey to Mars, arriving in September 2027? Why not just wait and launch closer to the optimal window? Are they just trying to justify their existence?

And get this: they'll spend another seven months after that "lowering and synchronizing their paths." Seven months! It's like watching paint dry, but in space.

offcourse, I’m sure there are some scientists who are thrilled to be getting "stereo view of the Red Planet’s unique near-space environment." But let's be honest, most people aren't going to give a damn about the "short timescale variability of the system." They want to see Martians, not magnetometers.

SpaceX Still Laughing

Meanwhile, SpaceX is over there trying to build a freaking city on Mars, and Blue Origin is patting itself on the back for landing a booster. It's like comparing a lemonade stand to Amazon.

Speaking of SpaceX, remember that whole "landing humans on the moon by 2027" thing? Yeah, that's probably not happening. Now they're saying late 2028, maybe never. Classic SpaceX – overpromise and underdeliver. At least they're consistent. According to SpaceX’s moonshot hits turbulence, delays are expected.

And NASA is closing buildings at Goddard Space Flight Center because of budget cuts? Seriously? We're spending billions on space exploration, but we can't keep the lights on at a key science center? This is a bad idea. No, "bad" doesn't cover it—this is a five-alarm dumpster fire.

Then again, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe this Blue Origin landing is a big deal. Maybe it will pave the way for a new era of space exploration. Maybe pigs will fly.

Is This Progress, Or Just Expensive Distraction?

So, Blue Origin landed a rocket. So what? Until they start building actual, tangible things in space – like, you know, a freaking base on the Moon or Mars – it’s all just expensive posturing. Don't expect me to be impressed by baby steps when others are taking giant leaps.